What’s On Your Sexual Menu?
A Fresh Take on Spicing Things Up in the Bedroom
By Amanda Pahl, MA, LMFTA
Let’s talk about chicken parmesan.
Yes, chicken parm. You go to your favorite restaurant and every single time, you order the same dish. Why? Because it’s familiar, tasty, and it hits the spot.
But imagine going to that restaurant every week for years and ordering nothing but chicken parmesan. At some point, even the most delicious, cheesy plate of comfort starts to feel…meh.
Now swap out chicken parm for your typical sexual routine. You know the one: kissing, foreplay, a couple of go-to positions, orgasm, lights out. It’s your “usual.” And just like chicken parm, it probably started off exciting, felt satisfying, and became the go-to because it works.
But after a while, that sexual script can start to feel predictable, stale, and maybe even a little boring.
If any of that sounds familiar, you’re not broken. You’re not weird. There’s nothing wrong with your relationship. You’re just human. Our brains crave novelty, especially when it comes to sex and intimacy. The good news? You don’t have to throw out the chicken parm. You just need to expand the menu.
Introducing: The Sexual Menu
As a sex therapist, I often encourage clients to shift away from thinking of sex as one specific act or sequence. Instead, think of it like a menu that you get to curate and choose from.
A sexual menu offers options based on your mood, energy level, stress level, and curiosity. Some nights you might want a full three-course meal. Other times, a snack is all you’ve got in you. And sometimes, you’re just craving dessert.
Here are some examples of what might show up on your menu:
- Appetizers: Flirty texting, cuddling, kissing, a steamy make-out session on the couch
- Entrees: Sensual massage, oral sex, mutual masturbation, intercourse, kink play
- Sides: Dirty talk, blindfolds, trying a new toy, setting the mood with music or lighting
- Desserts: Aftercare cuddles, pillow talk, sharing fantasies, basking in the afterglow
The goal here isn’t to turn sex into a to-do list. (That sounds like the least sexy thing imaginable.) It’s about creating flexibility and possibility. You get to choose from the menu depending on what feels good to you at the moment.
What’s on Your Menu?
Start by taking inventory. What kinds of sexual or intimate experiences do you enjoy? What’s something you’ve been curious about but haven’t tried? What feels good when you’re tired? When you’re playful? When you’re feeling emotionally connected?
You can even make this a fun activity with your partner(s). Click the button below to download the free Sexual Menu PDF and create your menu during your next date night!
Chicken Parm Isn’t Canceled
Let’s be clear: there’s absolutely nothing wrong with sticking to the classics. Some nights, chicken parm is exactly what you want. But having a sexual menu means you’re not limited to it. It gives you options, variety, and most importantly…agency.
And guess what? When chicken parm becomes one of many delicious choices instead of the only thing on the table, you might just find yourself loving it all over again.
If you’re feeling stuck in your sexual routine and unsure where to begin building your menu, a sex therapist can help you explore new options in a safe, judgment-free space. We’re here for the chicken parm and the wild truffle-infused experimental tapas night.
Bon appétit! (sorry if that was cheesy (omg there I go again))
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