Pregnancy is a time of transition and growth. Along with the physical changes, it’s common to experience a mix of emotions, from joy and enthusiasm to anxiety and uncertainty about the future. While you’ve probably heard plenty about the emotional and physical changes that come with pregnancy, we’re going to talk about something that’s often overlooked: your sexuality.
Whether your body feels unfamiliar, you’re worried about the baby’s safety, or your sex drive has taken a dive, it is natural for your sexuality to shift as your body goes through physical, hormonal, and psychological changes. Just because there’s a change in your sex drive and excitability doesn’t mean that your sexuality is gone; it has simply transformed.
Because sexuality during pregnancy can bring up so many questions, concerns, and misconceptions, we’ve gathered answers to some of the most common questions people ask during this stage of life.
1. Why does sex drive decrease for some people during pregnancy?
It is totally normal to experience a decreased sex drive early into pregnancy. Research on sexuality during the perinatal period shows that hormone changes, decreased energy levels, and anxiety commonly impact libido and sexual interest during early pregnancy (Grussu et al., 2021). Your body is diverting lots of energy to your pregnancy, and combined with normal human anxiety about pregnancy, it can be hard to get in the mood!
2. Why do some people experience an increase in libido during the second trimester?
If you’re in your first trimester and wondering “will it be like this forever?” Fear not! During the second trimester, many folks experience renewed sexual desire as their body adjusts to changes and energy levels return.
3. Why does sex feel less appealing?
In addition to changes in hormones and energy levels, increased physical discomfort, pelvic pressure, and fears about safety can make sex less appealing or more limited. These shifts are natural and provide new opportunities for expanding your sexual menu.
4. How can I talk about these changes with my partner?
During pregnancy, your relationship with your body and your partner evolve. For couples, this can be an invitation to get creative and find new ways to meet your sexual desires and needs. Perinatal sexuality education research emphasizes the importance of flexibility, communication, and exploring new forms of intimacy during pregnancy (Polomeno, 2000). Consider reflecting and discussing the following questions with your partner:
What feels good now? Which types of touch bring comfort or excitement?
Erogenous zones, or sensitive, pleasurable areas change over time, especially during pregnancy. Changes in skin elasticity can make the areas that used to turn you on less sensitive, while making other areas more sensitive. If your partner is pregnant, ask for feedback to learn what feels good and what doesn’t.
What level of activity feels comfortable?
Take your energy and comfort level into consideration day by day. Some days, the goal may shift from orgasm to mutual pleasure, closeness, and comfort to open up more possibilities for expressing intimacy. Sensual or erotic massage can be an option for satisfying a need for touch if one partner does not have the energy for a full sexual encounter.
Who can initiate during pregnancy?
Beyond sex, this includes who can initiate touch, undressing, etc. It can also mean being able to give pleasure without expecting anything in return.
5. Could sex harm the baby?
If you’re worried that having sex could hurt your pregnancy, you are not alone! These fears are valid and worth discussing with your health care provider. According to the National Health Service (2023), sex is safe for most pregnancies unless a medical provider advises otherwise. However, if your doctor has advised limiting sexual activity, it is helpful to ask for specific details on what activities are safe and which should be avoided based on your health. Oftentimes, recommendations vary widely. Sometimes doctors recommend avoiding intercourse specifically. In other cases, they may suggest avoiding any activity that could lead to orgasm to avoid any uterine contractions.
6. Will my desire and arousal return to “normal” after I give birth?
Many people find that their desire, arousal, and relationship with intimacy continue to shift during the postpartum period. Recovery, hormones, sleep deprivation, feeding routines, stress, and emotional adjustment can all impact sexuality after birth. While these changes are common, everyone’s experience is different, and there is no single “normal” to return to.
If you are struggling with navigating changes in desire, intimacy, body image, communication, or sexual functioning during pregnancy or postpartum, speaking with a sex therapist can help. A sex therapist can provide a judgment-free space to process concerns, improve communication, and explore ways to maintain intimacy that feel safe and fulfilling for you and your relationship. Reach out today to schedule a free consultation call and get matched with a therapist at CSWC.
References
Grussu, P., Vicini, B., & Quatraro, R. M. (2021). Sexuality in the perinatal period: A systematic review of reviews and recommendations for Practice. Sexual & Reproductive Healthcare, 30, 100668. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.srhc.2021.100668
National Health Service. (2023, October 30). Sex in pregnancy. NHS. https://www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/keeping-well/sex/
Polomeno V. (2000). Sex and Pregnancy: A Perinatal Educator’s Guide. The Journal of perinatal education, 9(4), 15–27. https://doi.org/10.1624/105812400X87879
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