Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby!

You know the story, two people meet each other in a totally random situation, hit it off immediately, and have incredible, mind-blowing sex. Really?! I work with clients who, while they are interested in having mind-blowing sex, are not. This could be for a variety of reasons, such as body image issues, past childhood trauma, stress in their marriage/relationships or careers, changes in marriage/relationship or careers, and many more.

Low desire, particularly in women, can be a result of many things. Medications and medical conditions can be big influencers. If you are not feeling well, or are dealing with concerns over health, sex is usually the last thing on your mind! Also, certain medications can impact sex drive negatively. This is something you can, and should, discuss with your medical provider to determine if there are other options that can minimize or mitigate the issue.

Another medical issue is pain with intercourse. This is also something that could be addressed by talk therapy and by working with a medical provider. Pain with intercourse could be a result of many things, but it is important to determine the cause in order to provide the appropriate treatment. If there is not a physical concern, a variety of issues such as hormone imbalance or menopause, among others, can impact the comfort of intercourse. Also, who can forget childbirth?! That is another event that can affect feelings around sex.

While there can be so many things that affect desire and sexual satisfaction, talking about them is the way to start working on improving the outcome and experience. If your partner does not know what is going on, they can’t help! One thing I always remind clients, is that their partner is not a mind reader (thankfully!!). Here is where I come in. Since there are so many things that can affect sex, communication is key. I see women (and men!) who feel that they are not getting what they want out of their sexual encounters, but for some reason feel that they cannot verbalize their wants and needs. Why is this? Sex is something that most people engage in, but a lot of people feel uncomfortable discussing it. Sure, sex is personal and can make people feel vulnerable….but what is the alternative? Talking about sex with your partner can help to get those wants and needs out on the table. Or bed. Your preference. Communication style may not be working or syncing up. This is something we can work on, to help get what you want out of the relationship and sex. In return, you and your partner will be better aware of what the other wants or needs in order to make the sexual encounter positive, and yes, possibly even mind-blowing! So, let’s start talking about sex, baby!

–Meagan Thomas, MS, LPCA

Meagan Thomas, MS, LPCA is a Licensed Professional Counselor Associate in North Carolina, and is currently accruing hours toward full licensure. To schedule an appointment with Meagan or any of the therapists at Carolina Sexual Wellness Center, call 919-297-8322.
Meagan Thomas

Learn more about the author >>

"*" indicates required fields

I Would like to sign up for the CSWC newsletter.

Browse More Sexual Wellness Articles

Sex, Relationships, and a Global Pandemic

Date night? Meeting new people? These can be “strange” concepts for many people over the past year, thanks to a global pandemic. This year has challenged many people,...

Consider Getting Rid of Foreplay

At first glance, this recommendation may seem to go against previous advice you’ve heard about sex and intimacy. Perhaps you’ve been encouraged to increase foreplay as...

The Elephant in the Room

The nuances of a romantic relationship are multi-faceted. From the dating, romance, and passion to the differences, power struggles, and disappointments, the average...

It’s Not You, It’s Me

Throughout the course of therapy, people are often surprised when I advocate for something called “self-focus.” It is difficult for clients to wrap their minds around...

Sex and Candy? I prefer Sex and Cookies!

When you start doing therapy, one of the things that you may notice, and that may even be irritating at times, is that you really don’t get to know much about your...

Family Matters

Family can be such a loaded topic for people! It can bring up so many thoughts, feelings, memories, and associations. For some, those experiences and memories are...

More Than Monogamy

What are we?” “What does this mean?” “Is this something my partner will be ok with?” “How do I tell my partner I need something I am not getting?” All of these are...

How You Define Sex Matters!

What is sex?  Is it about intercourse? Is it about orgasm? Does it include the penis and/or vagina? What is your definition of sex? Does this definition of sex...

Let’s Talk About Postpartum Sex!

Relationships change.  We all know this.  But do we really understand what that means?  Relationships can change for a variety of reasons, one of the...

The Myth of True Love

In the wake of Valentine’s Day, the topic of love lingers like a thick cloud in our cultural air. Ideas about “true love” bombard us in candy hearts, pop songs, and...